The Expendables | The Sorcerer's Apprentice | A Serious Man | When You're Strange

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Make no mistake, this is a bad movie – almost indefensible on any level, it fails to match Stallone´s previous Rambo film for visceral excitement, and slogs through a been-there, done-that story peppered with hand-to-hand combat scenes, gunfire, and many, many explosions. But who am I kidding? I had a blast with The Expendables, and would wholly recommend it if not for two key failings. It´s the kind of authentic piece of it-what-it-is action that I never thought I´d see in the cinema again, and the kind of bad movie that´s OK because it´s exactly what they set out to make.

But two key problems I cannot forgive. The action scenes are a disappointment: Greengrass-style rapid-fire editing, nauseous camera stuff. Not the worst I´ve seen, and fine for pseudo-art and visceral thrills, but not appropriate here. There´s also some awful use of (incredibly) poor CGI. The explosions look fake, the bloodletting looks fake; when one major character buys it, I was shocked at how awful and unconvincing a simple knife through the chest was. A major letdown, and one thing 80s Golan-Globus has over this film in spades: real explosions, and practical effects that had a real weight to them no matter how unconvincing they might have appeared.

The problem with The Sorcerer´s Apprentice is the use of magic: every other scene features wizards casting spells at each other, frequently represented by a glob of CGI. What´s at stake here? When someone points a gun at someone else in a movie, we know the ramifications of what will happen based on where they´re pointing it, how far they are from the target, and so on. Suspense is generated. When someone is pointing a special effect at someone, it´s the job of the director to make sure the audience knows the capabilities of the effect, what will happens if it hits the target, etc.

That young hero is Dave (Jay Baruchel), whose life was changed forever when he chased a wind-blown note into an oddities shop urn by Balthazar (Cage). Complicated backstory: Balthazar was an apprentice to Merlin, who was murdered by Morgan Le Fey (Alice Krige), who was absorbed by Merlin´s other apprentice, Veronica (Monica Bellucci), who was then locked in The Grimhold, an inescapable prison, by Balthazar. Molina plays Horvath, another apprentice who double-crossed Merlin before being locked in The Grimhold (or something similar) for centuries until Dave accidentally lets him out. Phew. It took five (credited) writers to come up with this stuff.

So Balthazar and Horvath are fighting over The Grimhold, and poor Dave is caught in the middle as he becomes Balthazar´s apprentice. Unlike the magic spells, the writers have a grand time coming up with rules and regulations for all the politics: The Grimhold can only be opened under such-and-such conditions, Dave can only become a wizard when he can complete a certain task, Morgan Le Fey can only be separated from Veronica if certain criteria are met, and so on. Only problem: this is all arbitrary nonsense we couldn’t care less about.

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Upon an initial viewing, I wasn´t convinced by A Serious Man. It´s highly watchable, but challenging and somewhat unsatisfying, in that Coen Brothers kind of way – the climax of No Country for Old Men being a prime example, the whole of Barton Fink another. Repeat viewings and a closer eye on the themes pushed me over: this is a darkly comic masterpiece that I rate next to Blood Simple, Fargo, and No Country as the best the Coen´s have produced. Not that their others are far behind; 25 years and precisely one bad film (The Ladykillers) out of 15. Not a bad record.